A Day in the Life of a Death Doula: The Real Story
Everyone always wonders what a Death Doula really does. Sure, we say that we help people to labor out of this world, but what does that actually mean? Well, here is a day in the life of Death Doula Kacie; I hope you enjoy.
Early Morning: Rise and Shine
My day starts off early—6:15 a.m., thanks to my youngest who never misses the opportunity to get up with the sun. Like most people, the first thing I do is check my phone. I have a client who is in the hospital and another who is laboring out at home. Thankfully, no emergent texts about either of them this morning. What I do have is seven new emails, five of which are from people who have submitted inquiries on my website. Three are from folks interested in becoming a Death Doula, and two are from people who need a Death Doula.
Morning Hustle: Breakfast and Social Media
I get up and start making breakfast for the kids, getting them ready for camp, while also updating my social media and trying my hardest to answer the thousands of comments and DMs I get each day.
First Client Visit: Annie
By 8 a.m., I drop the kids at camp and head over to visit client number one.
9:30 a.m. Client Number 1: Annie
Annie is in the active dying phase. She is not able to communicate anymore, and she likely only has a day or two left on this earth. When I arrive, she is resting comfortably, which makes my heart happy. I touch her arm and tell her that I am here with her. She turns her head towards me and opens her eyes. Even though she says no words, we communicate in that moment—her with a glance and me with a smirk. I can see in her eyes that she is happy to see me, and she can tell by my smirk that I am happy to see her as well.
The weather is nice outside, so I move her bed near the window and open it as far as I can. The breeze blows in and through her hair while I describe the beautiful sights outside that I know she would love to see, if she could muster up the strength. I play her favorite music, Elvis (of course), and I can see it bring her body peace. We sit together for a little over an hour before it's time for me to leave. When I say goodbye, I touch her shoulder again, and again our eyes meet. This time we both have a different look, and I tell her it's okay for her to go when she's ready. She closes her eyes, and in that moment, I know it's the last time I will see them open again.
Mid-Morning: New Client Consultation
11 a.m.
After that, I have to pull it together and have a consultation with a new client. I take it from the car while I'm on the way to client number two.
Lunchtime Client Visit: Joe
12 p.m. Client Number 2: Joe
Joe has had cancer for years and has continued living his life working hard, never letting it get him down. He has shocked doctors at every turn with how he is able to be so strong. However, Joe is now starting to realize that while he beat the cancer for a while, the cancer might now be winning. So Joe and I sit for an hour and talk about what that could look like for him—what types of things he is afraid of. His biggest worry? What will happen to his wife. Who will take care of her?
It brings him comfort to know that I will be there to help her through this hard transition. He is also worried about being in pain at the end. It helps him to know what medications will be available through hospice to help relieve any pain he may experience. When our appointment started, Joe was anxious and nervous, but by the end, he was laughing and cracking jokes (I have an added special ability to make people laugh).
Afternoon: Family Time
3 p.m.
Time to let go of all the heaviness from the day and go pick up the kiddos! Then the real madness begins! 😂
This is just a glimpse into a day in the life of a Death Doula. If you're considering this as a career, know that it's filled with profound moments, deep connections, and yes, a fair share of early mornings and emotional afternoons. If you’re interested in learning more about how to become a Death Doula, check out our Death Doula training program at Death Doula School.
